theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
