You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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