The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
