We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
