I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
