Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
