She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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