For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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