I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
