glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
