There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
