my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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