Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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