I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
