Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
