Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
