forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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