when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
