hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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