Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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