16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
