So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
