wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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