dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
