I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
