he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
