I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
