Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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