i don't like sucking hair
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
