is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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