I CAN MOONWALK!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
