thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
