I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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