I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
