Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
