There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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