so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
