I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
