Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
