Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
