Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
