K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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