Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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