So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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