yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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