if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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