so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
