matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
