so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
