No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
